On Sunday, my prayers were finally answered and there was wind! Out came the shortboard and sails and wetsuit and all the kit for only the second time in about 3 years! Phil (another one) and I shot down to Worthing and shredded some soup! Man it was good! I even got a couple of little jumps in and several gybes although only one decent one. God it was good though!

Winsurfing is one of those sports that works very much like meditation. When you've got power in your sails and the sea is hissing out from behind your board, the wind is playing a pan-pipe-like haunting melody on the spacer holes in the wishbone and your muscles are taut keeping everything in balance...well, there's no room in your head for the cares of the world. Life doesn't get better than that!

I bought pastries for the people in this section of the office this morning, even though they aren't my colleagues.

'What's this for?' they asked.
'Is it your birthday?'
'No,' I replied. 'Have you seen the film "Pass it Forward"?'

I don't think many of them had. Shame. As I recall, it stars Helen Hunt, which is reason enough to watch any film in my humble opinion 'cos she's lovely. Anyway, I'm not sure the film will go down as an all time classic, but the central idea is fabulous. Someone does you a good turn and you do a good turn for two other different people. So you don't return the favour, you pass it forwards, thus creating a perpetual flow of goodwill.

Alright, I'll admit it wasn't an entirely altruistic gesture. I want them to remember me and the company I work for, but I could have just sent them all an e-mail with jokes or a humerous image in. That seems to be how lots of people communicate these days.

My eldest daughter turns nine on Saturday. The subject of sex has cropped up in conversation with her several times recently, just innocent stuff, some of it obviously originating from gigglesome chat at the school playground!

Anyhow, after mentioning it to D, I finally decided it was time J learned some of the facts of life, before she got some strange, mixed messages from her peers. On Tuesday night, when her brother and sister were tucked up in bed, I grabbed a piece of paper and set out to give her a grasp of the basics.

Well, the basics are all easy to get across, and J was obviously fascinated, but the trouble with this subject is that it opens out into such a lot of areas that are much harder to explain, love, law, bad people, why one shouldn't tell other children because their parents will want to do that, etc. etc. It began to get quite difficult which I suppose is why some parents just don't bother. I think my parents gave me a book about it. I don't remember any talk as such.

Did any of you have helpful parents? Nothing, book, chat? What's the norm?

[Retrospective: August 2005 - River Cruise (Part 2)]

Finally presentable as beautiful women (ahem), M and I arrive in the hotel restaurant. It's a big hotel room full of 'normal' people. Well half full actually, as at least half the tables were already taken by guests for Sam's boat trip. I've never seen so many trannies before!

M and I made our way to the tables and immediately found ourselves in exalted company! We were sharing a table with non-other than T-C, DeeV, A and their lovely wives. As if this wasn't enough of an honour to meet these famous girls from C's group, a few minutes later and S-H and wife sit down beside us! It was as though I'd accidentally gained entrance to the Oscars and found myself seated at a table of film stars.

After a reasonable meal, we make our way outside onto the hotel varanda that overlooks the Thames into a glorious sunny evening and begin to mingle at the edges with, the large wedding party that's also taking place at the hotel. They too are heading for a cruise on the Thames and oh, you should have seen the looks they gave us as the two groups queued side-by-side. Tee-hee! I finally get to meet C on the quayside and she's as lovely as she always looks on her website. As we file onto our boat, I meet Sam too, who's been such a star organising this fantastic event.

The evening floats by in a wonderful haze of white wine, friendly chat, dancing, and most importantly meeting lovely ladies such as S-J, M, E, J, and many others too numerous for my pickled brain to recall all their names. There were only two ladies there I had met on my first night out as Penny, L and FC, but I also made some new friends. T-C's wife A-M and A's wife S were so friendly and wonderful to talk to, it makes me wonder if one day my own wife will join me. My dress draws some very nice compliments which comes as a relief after the agonies I had choosing it.

When the cruise comes to an end, we sadly part company with many of the girls. The hotel bar beckons to those of us staying overnight, so M and I join the barflies. That would have been the end of a great night out, except for the arrival of the remains of a stag party! Well these guys are pretty far gone, but Mark is particularly pissed; one of those self-important, loud and pushy blokes. I guess he's the kind of guy that GGirls dread meeting if they're on a night out. He's inquisitive and talkative, but repetitive and barely coherent, a bit of a bully and a total pain if truth be told! After an hour and a half putting up with him, I've finally had enough! If Mark tells me one more time how he's actually a really nice guy and very important too, I'm going to ram DeeV's very large and expensive camera down his throat. I get up to leave and try to sashay coolly towards the lifts, but I'm sure a casual observer would think I was hobbling. Mark's voice is at my back, entreating me to stay so I'm grateful when M catches up with me and the lift doors close. I only hope the other girls don't hate me for leaving them to deal with him. It's nearly 2:30am and I need my beauty sleep.

Thank you Sam. It was a great gig!

It's time to post the story of my second night out as Penny. Once this is done, the story will be completely up to date. This article was written in August and is so long, I decided to split it into two posts, the second of which I will upload tomorrow.

[Retrospective: August 2005 - River Cruise (Part 1)]

It seemed to me as though I had been looking forward to Sam's river cruise for pretty much all my life! I had only ever been out as Penny once before, and that was to the safe environment of a house party. Sam's cruise was a very different kind of event, an outdoor celebration of summer, good friends and light summer clothing. This would also be the first time I mixed with the general public as Penny. What an experience!

One reason I was looking forward to the event was that Sam had put me in touch with a new girl to share the hotel room with. This would be M's first outing and although hardly more experienced, I felt like a big-sister. Predictably, traffic was horrible on the day, and I was late for the pre-arranged meeting (in drab) with M. When I arrived at the hotel, I had to find a bloke in reception who looked as though he might dress as a woman some of the time. Hmmm! Imagine getting that one wrong! Ideal time to use the marvellous invention called the mobile phone!

With three hours to go before the meal, we both felt pretty confident we'd have loads of time, in spite of DeeV's warning! Ha-ha, the insane optimism of beginners. We set to on the deforestation that still needed doing, the chat, some wine and the makeup. M had chosen a gorgeous, floaty, pink, summery dress, pink strappy shoes. She also had matching pale pink nail varnish and lipstick to complete the picture of femininity.

For myself, I had chosen a mid-length, white, lacey, halter-neck dress and white high heels with ankle straps. The shoes were rather optimistic and I didn't manage to put in enough practice before the event, so that although they weren't dramatically uncomfortable, at no point in the evening did they make me feel graceful. Also, I only had my gothic, tranny-dark lipstick and nail varnish as I felt too guilty about the amount of money this evening was costing my family to buy any more. Still, I feel more femme than ever before and reminds me what a joy it is to escape from the utter tedium of men's clothes.

The last few minutes became a bit of a rush as I suspect they always are, and then the fateful moment arrived...we had to step outside the hotel room. M pretended she was too nervous, although she seemed pretty cool to me.

Continued tomorrow...

Ugh! 5:15 wake-up this morning. I don't normally have to get up this early unless I'm going up to Leeds, but today I'm running a demo of the system to one of the clients in Australia. It's not easy to set my alarm very precisely, so I didn't have time for a shave or breakfast. Luckily I had the sense to grab my wash bag so I'll be able to clean up a bit when I get to work.

Yesterday I added up the number of units of alcohol I consumed last week and started to get a bit concerned. I think it was something like 9 units on Monday, one on Tuesday, maybe two on Wednseday. Thursday in Leeds I rather lost count, but it was at least 12. Friday night may have been a rest day, but then Saturday round at friends, D and I both had to help out with the wine and I finished off with a decent slug of something a bit stiffer making perhaps 5 units and then another 4 on Sunday. 33 Units! I had better keep count for a while, Bidget Jones style, to make sure that was an abnormal week.

Many beers, curry, then clubbing last night. Work hard. Play hard.

Loud music and dancing! It's gotta be done from time-to-time. Not a bad evening but I think it was the smoke that drove me out eventually. Mr.M was pretty well gone last night. Gave me a hard time for coming from a posh school, but he was only trying to provoke some kind of reaction. It amused me for a while.

He, and two friends from the London lunch bunch who are seconded up here temporarily stayed on after I left the club. God knows what kind of state they'll be in this morning. I'll have to keep an eye out for them and will try to post an update later if get time.

Once more I'm on the train to Leeds. The 5am start is even harder now the nights are drawing in. It seems almost like the middle of the night!

Yesterday, working from home, I had the chance to take my children to school which was fantastic! I used to do it once a week when I ran my own company, but this is the first opportunity I've had since I started work in London. It's incredible how independant they seem, even little T, who's only 3 bless her. She gave me a hug and one of her special full-on-the-mouth kisses that her mum has taught our children and marched into nursery school.

There was no way to hide the big smile on my face as I left.

I can look forward to a night out in Leeds tonight. In my humble opinion, Leeds is a great place. It seems young and earnest, full of hope and a determination to get out and have a good time. I guess there must be pockets of gloom, but then I suppose that's the advantage of being a tourist. You can pick and choose the best bits of the places you visit.

Going home last night, I got into a threesome (conversational) with Canadienne and Vegan. Canadienne was on her way to Crawley to collect a suitcase. Of course. She wanted to know if she was in the right half of the train and was nervous because apparently they don't have trains in Canada! Vegan and I thought she was pulling our collective leg. Not having been to Canada, neither of could take issue with her.

Once she alighted, Vegan and I chatted. He is the manager of a well known chain of hardware and home accessories in Earls Court (I think), but wants to set up his own cafe serving vegan food.
"So it's not just a fashion statement," I point at his T-shirt which has the word 'vegan' across the chest.
"No," he laughs.
He seems like a nice guy. I told him to go for it.
"You won't regret setting up your own business, even if it doesn't succeed."
Vegan is convinced. He just needs to raise the seed-money.

Good luck to you Vegan! I hope you're running a multi-million dollar industry in 5 years time.

I took this picture at the station this morning to prove that the morning commute isn't just an ordeal! On the way into work, I thought about the chat I had with Mr.R last night. Now Mr.R really did have cancer, unlike me. Cancer of bloke's bits! =O Mr.R and I did not work in the same company at that time, but I did know him at the time and recall hearing about it and thinking how matter-of-fact and brave he seemed. In fact, Mr.R doesn't seem to have had any big 'awakening' as the result of his scare.

I asked him whether that was because he already had his life sorted out. The answer wasn't entirely unambiguous. Interestingly, he cited a different catalyst to re-evaluating his life, 9/11!

Did anyone else see the WTC towers collapse as some kind of wake up, or a call-to-arms to life? It was certainly pretty shocking, but how many people actually changed something important in their lives because of that event?

If you haven't got the album "X & Y" by Coldplay, I can thoroughly recommend it! When I first heard it, I was a bit ambivalent, but it has really grown on me.

One thing I like about it is that the lyrics are bonkers! Although songs about love have their place, the lyrics can get rather tedious. The same things being said all they time. The same can't be said for some of the songs in this album!

Take "Speed of Sound" for example:

"All that noise, all that sound,
All those places I got found.
Birds come flying at the speed of sound
to show you how it all began.
Birds come flying from the underground;
If you could see it then you'd understand"

Wonderful! What the f**k is that all about? Probably nothing, but it's still mysterious and intriguing!

Here's a post some of you have been waiting for for a while. An explanation of why I cross-dress, or at least an attempt to explain. What you must be aware of while reading this article is that this is a purely personal viewpoint on what I do and why. Do not think this post explains why all CDs and TVs do as they do. The contributing factors are complex and I suspect that no two people will give you the same answer.

This post took a lot of writing and re-writing, and I'm still not entirely happy with it.

Why do I cross-dress? Put simply, I do it because I want to and because I enjoy it.

But why would make an apparently normal bloke happy by dressing as a woman and going for a night out? Well, take a close look at the sentence above! No, really. What is an "ordinary bloke"? Have you suddenly got images of a typical man in a razor advert on TV? Is this an estate-car driving heterosexual with a brace of beaming children and a radiant wife beside him? Is this a masculine, windsurfing, bungy-jumping hero who laughs with his mates in the pub after work? I've got news for you...that's me (except not quite as good looking as the ones in the ads).

I recently completed a couple of those "sex your brain" tests and averaging the two results gives a score of 65% masculine and 35% feminine, although I think the truth is neared 80% masculine, 20% feminine. The feminine 'side' of my brain seems to come from a tendency towards communication and empathy. I strongly dislike aggression and any overtly macho behaviour, but in my normal day-to-day life, I'm as much a bloke as the next guy.

When I was nine years old, I began to day-dream occasionally of what it would be like to be female, and it was a chain of thought that gave me a lot of non-physical pleasure. I don't fully understand why I felt this way. Maybe it was an early example of the feminine side of my brain seeking expression and release.

It wasn't until I was perhaps fifteen that I discovered an article of my sister's clothing in the airing cupboard in my bedroom. (Sorry M, I know you'll be reading this!). I was enthralled. Here was a chance to make my body look more like the one I imagined when I dreamed of changing into my female form! No force on earth could have prevented me or held me back from trying it on. Of course the fact that it was obviously taboo, served to make it more exciting, and yes, physical pleasure was involved.

For many years, this was just a shameful secret. Many times I have promised myself that I would never do it again and thrown away any meagre wardrobe I had built up. Six weeks or six months; it didn't matter, I never managed to hold out very long! I got married, had kids and led the oh-so-ordinary life that almost every other man in the world lives.

Finally, for reasons explained in an earlier post, I decided to come clean and own up to my condition, that is trans-gendered. This is a hopelessly inadequate word to describe the feeling some people have where they believe that their gender does not fit neatly into the two slots imposed on us by society. The term trans-gendered includes cross-dressers, transvestities and trans-sexuals. Do I want to be a woman, full-time? No, why would that work? 80% of my brain would be deeply unhappy. I enjoy being a man, and the bizarre thing is that now I have allowed myself to own up to the feminine side, I'm a lot happier with my masculinity too.

For me, living up to the adman's 'man' is too demanding. Perhaps 'men' who have a tender side and aren't testosterone fueled silver-back-alpha-males should be allowed to slough off the manufactured man and give some space to the feminine part of their souls once in a while.

If you want to read more about this, there's plenty on the internet, but you could try this: http://www.vernoncoleman.com/downloads/mid.htm

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You have received a message from phone number +447747773595

Hey, now that's good! I can post from my phone.

Spike70 proposes Hedonism as a life philosophy. Now at his age, he may have the benefit of superior wisdom, but still I have to protest.

One should conduct ones life so that the answer to the following two questions should be an emphatic "Yes".

Q1. Did you enjoy your time alive?
Q2. Did you treat others with respect and fulfill your duties?

"Make the Most" utterly rejects Hedonism on the grounds that it is too selfish and its disciples would almost certainly have to answer "No" to the second question.

Surely, as is so often the case, the answer must be balance?

I stopped off at Nero's this morning as a treat to offset the grey drizzle. The walk up from London Bridge wasn't as bad as the walk home last night. Last night was very wet and to cap it all, for the second night in a row, the trains were disrupted because of a fatality on the track! As this is my first autumn as a London commuter, I wonder whether it's because the summer is over, nights are drawing in and the weather's getting worse. Does this happen every year? I can't believe people are accidentally spilling onto the track every night.

The whole sorry mess could at least be made more bearable if these people had the common courtesy to write a note that the train guard could read out. At least we'd understand and forgive the inconvenience if the poor person's sorry story was laid bare. Also, we'd all feel better about our own lot!

On another matter, the total irresponsibility of pensioners is high on my agenda at the moment. My inlaws just got back from another far-flung destination. Not a week goes by without them popping off to Canada, the Med, or to Peru, wrestling anaconda on the Inca Trail! It's not just that they're spending the kids inheritance (SKIing), but that they're fouling up the atmosphere for their grandchildren! I wonder what proportion of fossil fuel emissions is down to wrinklies jumping on airliners at the first whiff of another bargain flight?

I thought that the 'Close' button on the inside of the big, disabled loos on these modern trains would prevent the door from being opened from the outside. In fact, you have to press the 'Lock' button which I didn't spot as I was in such a hurry to relieve by bladder.

The train was just pulling into the station when someone pressed the 'Open' button on the outside and the door slid gently open. I was in full flow, with an expression of blessed relief on my face and absolutely no possibility of drawing matters to a premature conclusion.

The chap at the door and everyone on the platform who could see in through the window had to wait for me to finish.

I shall not forget the button marked 'Lock'. It is said that a wise man learns by his mistakes, but it must be true that a wiser man learns from the mistakes of others!

Don't you just love political intrigue and backstabbing at work? I'm caught in the middle of a small firestorm at the moment; caught between people with axes to grind. Oooooh what fun!

Luckily, the nastiness is between people in the client organisation, although that hasn't stopped one of them blaming me for stirring things up. The entire incident has evidently been brewing for some time and a meeting I was in acted as a trigger point for a flame-mail, even though nothing that I said could have been construed as critical in any way.

Ah well...those are the thrills and spills of working life! I hope to meet with chap 1 today to talk it over. Since he's gone directly to my boss with groundless allegations I have every right to be seething mad; instead I'm feeling pretty calm about it all. After all, it's hardly a life or death scenario. More news later...

A very important week at work, so the posts may be short.

I would like to dedicate today's post to two good friends of mine:

CasaB - http://bizarre.blog.co.uk/main/

and

BlueButterfly - http://wingemoancomplain.blog.co.uk/main/

Thanks to them for their support and communications over the last couple of months! If you get a chance, please visit their blogs and lend them your support.

[Retrospective: January 2005] - This story was written in February for posting on a different site.

I've found a quiet moment to write about last Saturday, my first outing as Penny, something I have dreamed about since I was 10 years old.

Initially, when G invited me to the Hastings do, I declined. The reason I gave was that I had the worries of shutting down my company to deal with! Anyway, after some thought, it became clear to me that this was mainly cowardice so I decided that this would be a good way to take my mind off business problems. Well the combined effect on my sleep of both issues was catastrophic! During the entire week before the fateful day, I must have slept a total of about 20 hours, all of which did nothing for my looks (dire at the best of times).

My wife and I talked a little about my trip, but not about the detail, more about my need to go etc. I gave her the final sanction, but even though she is deeply troubled by my cross-dressing, she didn't use it. Bless that sweet woman!

Well, I soon realised how much preparation I had to do for a real night out. I made a list of things I had to get, things I had to take, times that were available to do certain things (like shave my legs again). What a palaver! I'm beginning to understand why so many women have trouble with punctuality.

Since I'd never been out before, I didn't have a handbag. I've never put nail varnish on, so I had to buy some. Planning ahead for the return home, I discovered that my wife had run out of NV remover. What a good job I checked, otherwise I would have had to spend Sunday with my hands in gloves to avoid awkward questions from the children!

Anyway, the fateful hour arrived, and after making tea for the children I slipped away, taking the keys to the office where I was to change. Stupidly, I thought 40 minutes would be ample to get dressed and put on my face, but I needed every last second of it! Since I have only recently "come out", and the storage for my kit is still under a creaky floorboard (no kidding), my options were limited to two outfits. The dress is too much of a party thing and would have meant shaving under my arms, a step too far at this stage. I opted for the short black skirt (BHS) which I love and the black top from Next. For underwear, I chose a black "Comfort fit", lace-trimmed Charnos body which is delicious to slink into and helps keep things in control. When I opened the new pair of black, hold-up stockings I had bought specially for the occasion, I was SO disappointed. I hadn't been able to find the usual brand and these weren't up to the standard. Luckily I had packed a pair of the freshly laundered ones which turned out to be in good condition, so I used them, smoothing the lined skirt down over my stocking-tops. Sigh.

Makeup wasn't too bad until I got to the eyeliner and I very nearly blinded myself I was shaking so badly! I was also in trouble trying to paint my nails for the first time ever. By now I only had 5 minutes before I had to set off and I knew that it took at least 5 minutes for the varnish to dry. This meant I had precisely 0 seconds to do them all. The tip of the brush was shaking like a palm-tree in a hurricane, and I came close to up-ending the whole bottle all over my skirt. Somehow I managed it with minus 5 minutes to spare! Then, with nail varnish still not quite set, I tried to put everyting away in my carry-case and a couple of things into the tiny handbag I got from a charity shop. Then came a moment of pure girly panic as I couldn't find the keys, and then my phone, and then I lost my keys again and very nearly burst into tears. :-)

Finally, I collected my wits and set off for the rendezvous at a pace that, whilst fast, recognised that now was not a good time to be involved in an RTA or get caught for speeding! I sensibly opted not to wear my Bally shoes while driving, they are very femme and only a demure 2 inch heel, but a size too small. OK for a while, but not for a serious night out.

I was only about 4 minutes late arriving at the pickup point for G and A. I slipped into my shoes, stepped onto the street for my first time ever as a woman. Giddy with the thrill of it all, I click-clacked up the drive and knocked on the door. It opened, and then, for the first time ever, someone sees Penny. Wow, heady stuff. It's C, the partner (genetic girl) of A and later on I learned that she made some complimentary remarks about me...glow, glow! The two other girls, G and A are soon ready and we set off for Hastings. G and A are marvelous! They're so naturally feminine and they put me at ease.

Once we arrive, there's a short walk from the car to the house in my heels...oh what joy! Inside there's a great finger buffet with booze for some, and coffee and orange juice for me as I'm the driver. Probably just as well, because I'm on nature's high anyway. The event was well attended, and since there were loads of conversations going on, it was only natural for me to get chatting too.

I actually love talking to people, even total strangers, and whilst it would be a lie to say I felt totally at ease (my short skirt made absolutely sure of that as I had to keep tugging it into a more decent position), I did manage to get into a couple of good discussions. E, is a single, very convincing TV, M is a lovely post-op TS and C is a cheerful married girl. C had an awesome cleavage that just made my jaw drop, so I was delighted when she took me under her wing and was very sisterly and full of advice, even giving me a couple of items from her wardrobe which didn't fit her. We went upstairs and I tried one of them on there and then. While we were there, one of the hostesses, K, looked in and gave me some advice on my wig (which to be honest, I struggle with) helping to make it look more natural!

G, A and I headed home at around midnight and all in all it was a wonderful evening. Even if I still felt a teensy bit like an outsider, I know that the next time, I'll just drop straight into the fun of it all. After all, there are 28 years of pent-up femininity inside me waiting for release!

I got home just after 1:30am and rushed into the house just in case the neighbours were all watching, waiting to see me! I rememebered to bring in the big bouquet of flowers I bought the previous day for my wife. 20 minutes of makeup removal and I was tucked up in bed beside my darling wife by 2am....and slept for about 3 hours!

I'm on the long haul up to Leeds again this morning to see the guys in development, the people who do the real work. They're a good crowd and under a lot of pressure at the moment because of the timescales and the complexity of the project. I look forward to a couple of beers with them tonight if I can tear them away from their computers.

After consulting with some trusted friends, I have decided not to post photos of myself en-femme. The main reasons are that the truth is disappointing, your imagination is better, trust me! Also that it might encourage the wrong kind of people to get in touch.

So tomorrow I will post the story of my first outing as Penny.

Today I'm just posting a few odds and ends. First and foremost, I'd like to say farewell to Ronnie Barker who has made me laugh so many times. What a genius! Thank you Ronnie, you've made all our lives richer and more colourful.

Secondly, I want to a sad goodbye to Mason Jones, the little Welsh lad who dies after contracting the e-coli bug. My thoughts go out to his family.

Finally, I was going to post a picture of a garden lantern I made in adult-ed pottery classes, but photo upload is not available at present. If you're looking for a way to make the most of your life, evening classes are a great way to make good use of your time and meet some lovely people. I wish I could continue the course which has restarted again just recently, but my new job would make it very difficult to get to the classes.

OK, photo upload seems to be working again, so here it is...

In November 2004, I shaved my legs while my wife was away for the weekend. The reason for this was to force myself to tell her when she got back about my cross-dressing.

Well it worked exactly as intended. I broke the news to her before she'd even seen my legs!

If you don't have a secret like this in your life, it'll be impossible for me to convey to you the massive mountain of self-doubt that I had to climb to come clean. D was shocked, but to be fair, she was not entirely surprised. Many years ago, before we had kids, she caught me throwing out my meagre wardrobe in another doomed attempt to quit. D never broached the subject with me again. That's how she deals with difficult stuff.

That was the start of perhaps the worst six weeks of my life. After something like 28 years of keeping this secret, I felt that the final telling would instantly unlock a new life. Either D would throw me out or we would work things out, simple! Well D was upset and worried, but tried to be understanding too. The trouble is, I wanted to talk, to reassure, to be reassured, or even to have a big shouting match. Instead we just simmered, and I didn't sleep. Damn!

Nearly a year on, we've talked a few times. Things have progressed, but not very far. It's obviously a very tough thing for a woman to hear that her man likes to dress as a woman from time-to-time. Maybe she thinks it's because she's failed me somehow (she hasn't), maybe she thinks that I'm about to get a sex-change (I'm not, not ever), maybe she thinks I want to attract men (I don't), maybe she's just worried about losing me (I'm worried about losing her).

Ah well, as we all know, the best thing is to talk, and keep talking. I'm not at despondent about this, in fact I'm very happy. Things could have turned out much worse. One of my friends I met recently is being divorced by his wife, apparently for exactly the same thing!

There aren't many people who can boast that they spent their 39th birthday helping to move a garden shed! You see... I am marked out, special, a little bit different. I know you are jealous now and I am sorry. It's just that some of us are destined for greatness, and others aren't.

Actually, it was a good day helping my sister-in-law and her husband. I did enjoy myself and got a great birthday lunch out of it! Sunday was good too. D, the children and I went down to see my sister M, who is three years and one day younger than me...bless. Our parents were there too. M and her husband have a gorgeous town house in Salisbury. They prepared a delicious Sunday roast and afterwards, much cake was consumed.

Friends and family. There's nothing more important in life.

On another issue, I've had responses on the theme of boarding schools, so look forward to some postings on this topic in the future. Plenty of group therapy required I feel!